To the editor:
Time and NOAA have much in common.
You can’t speed either of them up, nor slow them down, and stopping either of them is right out of the question.
Time is NOAA’s strongest ally, and the fishermen’s greatest enemy. Similar to the waning moments of a one-sided football game, NOAA has the ball and is leisurely, but deliberately running down the clock. Even if by some miracle, we get the ball back, we have no time-outs left and they can always move the goal posts, again, as they have done so many times in this final, do or die, game.
Why? Because they also make the rules and pay off the refs. With their Environmental non-government nonprofit cheerleaders whipping up the crowd to a bloodthirsty pitch, home team fan support has dwindled down to a handful of diehards, most of whom are too intimidated to make noise. And that would be drowned out in any event by the NOAA Marine Mammals Marching Band in concert with the Pew precision drill team, who, with the aid of a spectacular smoke and mirrors display, can put on one of the most stunningly deceptive halftime shows ever to blitz the national media!
Even though most would agree that the eventual outcome was never in doubt, there are many who feel that this is the greatest “upset” in the history of this 350-year-old sport.
Back up to the booth ...
Captain, F/V Sasquatch