In honor of this week's Valentine's Day celebrations, I thought I would again share with you the heart-warming and meaningful thoughts on romance of Gregory J.P. Godek, a well-known, Boston-area teacher and speaker on the subject of romance.
"Romance is a state of mind," says Godek. The author of "1001 Ways to Be Romantic" believes that it is a rewarding and attainable state of mind if you are willing to learn how to get it.
So what exactly is romance? Why is it important? How can I learn to be romantic? Godek's book is a good springboard for the subject.
A self-proclaimed "incurable romantic," the author previously taught a course of the same name for 10 years at the Boston Center for Adult Education.
According to Godek, romance is the language of love — a way of expressing love and showing a commitment to the continuation of that love. Romance is a way of life in which couples offer continual loving gestures to help each other feel loved, appreciated, and desired.
Those love-inspired gestures take time, effort, and planning, but are well worth it, the romance expert says. Why? Because romance improves the quality of life of the people in the romance. A romantic life is fun, stimulating, and full of surprises.
I would add that romance also is emotionally necessary to sustaining relationships. It is a way of recognizing and expressing your innermost loving feelings, which also helps you become more open to recognizing and expressing other emotions — sadness, frustration or hurt, for example.
Romance is also a form of mutual nurturing which fulfills some of the most basic human and psychological needs for both lovers.
Also, romantic behavior is an important behavioral expression because it allows you to be a playful adult.
Unfortunately, those words are often viewed as being mutually exclusive; if you are an adult, you shouldn't be playful. Yet, our childlike playfulness is the part of our basic nature — the source of humor — which allows us to express our wit and silliness both physically and verbally.
Imagine the world without the high art TO which Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde and Moliere brought their literary wit and silliness, or the hilarious laughter of children in response to the funny faces we make.
How can you create a romantic state of mind if you have never experienced it?
Here are some suggestions from Godek:
Tune-in to the romantic opportunities that already exist by paying attention and seizing the moment. My suggestions: When your lover enters, do the "dip and kiss" (like the dance move) and say (in a Southern accent if you can manage it) "Scarlet, honey, I'm sooo glad ya'll is home and lookin' pretty too!" — or be John Wayne: "Com'ere woman!" and hug her close.
Listen for the message behind your loved one's words. What does he or she really want from you? Your attention? For you to just listen?
Keep in mind that romance is about love and giving, not barter. It is not about expecting something in return for your romantic efforts.
Plan surprises. They needn't necessarily be big or expensive but should be thoughtful. Put a funny, loving note in your loved one's lunch. Call him during the day to tell him you are going to give him a massage that night so he has something wonderful to look forward to all that day.
Turn the ordinary into the special. Without being asked bring your loved one a favorite drink (even if it is just spring water) in an elegant glass with a slice of lemon or lime in it. Eat pizza by candlelight. Buy bubble bath and draw a bath for him or her.
Learn the difference between a gift and a present: According to Godek a present is something you give because you want him or her to have it. A gift is something you give because the receiver wants it. Remember that the un-asked-for gift is often the most meaningful and most appreciated.
Express your caring feelings in many ways: Say "I love you", write "I love you" — and behave "I love you."
Based in Rockport, Life and Relationship Coach Susan Britt, M.Ed., a psychotherapist teaches individuals and families to resolve conflicts, clarify and attain goals, and accelerate personal growth. Questions and comments may be addressed to her at susanbritt1@verizon.net.
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