GloucesterTimes.com, Gloucester, MA

Lifestyle

March 27, 2013

Woman refuses to give lover the kind of pleasure he wants

:Dear Abby: I hope you will print this because I’m sure many women share this dilemma. My boyfriend, whom I adore and who is one of the kindest men on Earth, wants me to perform a certain sex act on him. While I understand that many people — and I don’t judge them — enjoy it, I am not one of them. I would feel degraded if I even tried it.

He says he won’t pressure me about it, yet he talks about it a lot. Just listening to him talk about it puts unwanted pressure on me. I have tried to be honest with him. I told him I don’t want to do this, but I’m afraid if I don’t, it will damage my relationship with him. However, if I give in, I’ll end up feeling self-loathing and resentment. Either way, it will be damaging. We’re in our 40s. Please offer any advice you might have.

:Worried In California

:Dear Worried: You are indeed not alone in this dilemma. You should not have to do anything you are uncomfortable with. The next time your boyfriend raises the subject, turn the discussion to amorous activities you both enjoy. Then suggest that instead of this particular sex act, you engage in his “No. 2 favorite.”

:Dear Abby: I’m a 51-year-old woman with a question. What do you recommend a person do or say when being lied to? I’m not talking about the little white lies we all tell to spare someone’s feelings, smooth things over, etc.

I once had a 21-year-old man tell me that he was a veteran of a war that had been over for 10 years! I felt like an idiot pretending to believe him and knew he’d be laughing at me later, but frankly, I felt scared to confront him.

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