GloucesterTimes.com, Gloucester, MA

Lifestyle

February 22, 2013

Fraud investigator mortified by wife's arrest

:Dear Abby: My wife of six years was recently arrested for wire fraud, involving the receipt of unemployment benefits. She was receiving money when she should not have been. I knew she had applied for benefits since she was laid off; however, I was not aware that she was falsifying documents in order to receive the benefits.

I feel hurt, betrayed and offended. I am a retired law enforcement officer and currently an independent fraud investigator. Our relationship had been on the rocks for some time prior to this humiliating event. How do I handle this mess?

:Betrayed In Florida

Dear Betrayed: The first thing to do is realize that your wife’s indiscretions are a reflection only on her character, not yours. Then let the law take its course, and once you have cooled off, decide rationally if you want to continue a marriage that has been “on the rocks for some time.”

:Dear Abby: Before my daughter turned 18, she followed the court’s visitation specifics, as her brother does. Now that she’s 18, she doesn’t call or come over at all. She won’t answer phone calls, so I text her. She’ll respond with one-word answers — “yes,” “no,” “maybe.”

It doesn’t bother me that she chooses to live this way. She’s an adult. I sent her money for her birthday. She didn’t acknowledge it. If I text invitations to her, I still don’t hear from her.

She doesn’t go to college, doesn’t drive, doesn’t have a job and lives off her enabling mother. According to her brother, she plays video games all night and sleeps all day.

After her birthday silence, should I continue sending her money for occasions? The lack of respect makes me think not, but my love for her says I should. Is there a lesson to be taught, or do I continue dropping a check in the mail twice a year? The money is insignificant. Learning respect, I believe, is important.

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