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January 12, 2013

Abstinent teen feels guilty deceiving innocent boy

:Dear Abby: I am in high school and have always been able to get whatever guy I wanted. My reputation at school is sort of “loose and easy.”

I haven’t had sex in eight months because I met a sweet, amazing guy who I want to marry. He’s a virgin, and I think he thinks I’m one, too. He doesn’t go to my school, so he doesn’t know about my old reputation.

Should I let him keep thinking I’m still innocent? I feel like a worthless used rag. When I’m with him, I am worth something — I’m the whole world to him. I want it to stay like that. But I know that by not telling him, I’m lying. He doesn’t deserve that — and I feel I don’t deserve him. Please help.

New “Me” In Arizona

Dear New You: Before I answer your question, there are some things I would like you to understand. First, you ARE “worth something” whether you are with this boy or not. It is dangerous to judge yourself through the eyes of another person. It is far more important that you can look at yourself in a mirror and know you are a good person because you try every day to do what is moral and right. Practice that, and no one will ever again make you feel like a used rag.

You are still in high school, and that’s early to be thinking about marriage. I’m advising you to tell this boy the truth because if you don’t, there is a good chance that eventually he will hear it from someone else. If he drops you because of it, it will not be because you don’t deserve him, but because he doesn’t deserve you.

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