Personal Matters
In studies at Harvard University's School of Public Health researchers found that angry men are at greater risk for heart disease. They studied 1,305 men between the ages of 40 and 90. Their studies showed that men with the highest anger scores on a personality test were three times as likely to develop heart disease.
The researchers theorized that anger triggers the release of toxic stress hormones, which are harmful in the blood and can damage other organs. In the course of helping people for over 30 years, I have seen that a man's anger is often a mask for other emotions he isn't in touch with or cannot express, mainly because of cultural conditioning.
Even today, with more women in the work force and able to provide for themselves, in most Western cultures men are still expected to be supermen. They must be ambitious and successful and earn more money than their wives. Obviously, that expectation is even harder to live up to because of our current economic difficulties. As a result of the recession, manufacturing has declined, companies have gone bankrupt, and unemployment is so high that millions of men have been forced out of their jobs completely or into much lower paying jobs. Since those jobs often do not utilize their strongest skills this demotion can result in severe damage to their self-esteem and self-confidence.
In addition to these economic pressures, men are expected to be emotionally strong — the cultural commandment for them is to "be a man" which means he can never admit to being scared, worried, intimidated, overwhelmed or depressed. But, he is allowed to get angry; it is espoused as the one "manly" emotion, and the one emotion that can give him heart disease.
If you are an angry man what can you do to manage your anger?
When you are angry, ask yourself "What else am I feeling?" Is it fear, rejection, disappointment? Accurately identifying the emotions underlying your anger can help you to solve the situation more effectively.
Then ask yourself, "Why am I feeling this way?" Are you jealous? Insecure? Fearful of losing your job? Be honest with yourself. The more you understand the cause of a particular emotion the more you are able to take control of the situation.
Learn the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Being aggressive in words and behavior usually results in escalating a situation most often with negative results. Assertively communicating your frustration, resentment and anger is not only a less stressful and more healthy way to communicate, but can often reveal options and solutions to issues that anger only obscures.
Express your feelings assertively in "I" statements. For example: "I am angry that ...." "I resent that you...""I am frustrated about..." "I appreciate that you..." "I don't like it when..."
Think about the quality of your life. Are you creating the kind of life you really want? If not, take some action to improve it and open the possibilities. Discuss your feelings with the appropriate people - spouse, child, boss, co-worker. Ask for whatever you need: information, reassurance, education.
Keep fit physically, mentally and emotionally by making time in your life for exercise and fun. Read for pleasure and to gain new information. Spending at least 30 minutes in quiet every day can refresh your body and spirit thereby reducing the impulse to react in anger and allowing more opportunity for productive, problem solving responses.
Based in Rockport, personal coach Susan Britt, M.Ed., a former psychotherapist, teaches couples, families and individuals to resolve relationship conflicts, achieve life and career goals, and accelerate personal growth. Questions and comments may be addressed to her at susanbritt1@verizon.net.
