GloucesterTimes.com, Gloucester, MA

Lifestyle

January 30, 2013

Man wants wife to take the reins and lead

:Dear Abby: Do women ever initiate sex with men, or must they always be wooed, cajoled, begged or persuaded? I have a fairly good physical relationship with my wife, but it happens only when I make the overtures. I am left with the conclusion that either the physical act isn’t that enjoyable or I am not very desirable.

If every encounter must start with me, and my wife can take it or leave it, is she just doing me a favor? Must sex always start with the guy, or can women demonstrate more overt interest?

Undersexed In Ohio

Dear Undersexed: Many women — but not all — initiate sex with their partner. If your wife doesn’t, it may be she isn’t comfortable being the aggressor, her hormone levels have changed, sex may have become painful for her, or she never got much out of it in the first place.

Not knowing her, I can’t explain why she never makes the first move. But this I AM sure of — until you have a frank and honest discussion with her about it, nothing is going to change, and it may need to happen with the help of a marriage counselor.

Dear Abby: I have been married to “Richard” for three years, but we have lived together for 10. I was Richard’s first and only girlfriend. He’s very shy and reserved, while I have always been the outgoing, rebellious type.

I have been communicating with another man, “Drew,” for about a year. It started out as me just having a little fun, but now I’m seriously considering leaving Richard. Although Drew and I have never met in person, we’re romantically involved and both of us believe we’re in love.

I love Richard, but I just don’t feel “in love” anymore. We have lost our connection. We have talked about our communication problems, and he knows about Drew. Despite my explaining what the problems were, I feel he has ignored the issues.

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