GloucesterTimes.com, Gloucester, MA

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June 21, 2014

Marriage lacks intimacy

Dear Abby: “Barney” and I are in our 40s and have been married two years. Barney is a neatnik. His nighttime ritual of cleaning up before bed takes an hour or more. Before we can be intimate, this ritual must be performed.

Barney is also a night owl. Sometimes he goes straight from the shower to the Internet or reading, ignoring sex altogether, even if we planned and talked about it while getting ready to clean up for the night. Should we seek counseling for this or try something else? Barney displays all the signs of ADD and has since his childhood days.

Frustrated In Clinton, Iowa

Dear Frustrated: By all means seek counseling. The ritual you described could be a symptom of a disorder, or your husband may have a very weak sex drive. However, one thing is clear: If Barney isn’t in bed with you, it’s because he’d rather be elsewhere.

For your sake, the sooner you get some straight answers the better you’ll be.

Dear Abby: For the last 10 years, my friends and I have gotten together on a fairly regular basis. We recently celebrated my birthday at my house, and Cindy “surprised” me with a beautiful blueberry crumble cake (her specialty). I was delighted and told her I had been craving that particular treat.

As the afternoon wore on, I asked if we should bring out the dessert, but she said she wanted to “wait a while.” A half-hour later, she announced she had to leave and wanted to take the cake with her. (We often take leftovers home, but her dessert hadn’t even made it to the table.) When I said, “But we have no other dessert!” she said she had company coming and needed to take it with her.

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