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June 16, 2013

Daughter living with boyfriend doesn't get mother's support

:Dear Abby: I am 25, and my boyfriend and I have been together since high school. We have now decided to take our relationship to the next level by living together.

When I brought up the idea to my mother a few months ago, she was against it. She said if I do this it will change my relationship with her. My boyfriend and I are college graduates, have good jobs and are self-supporting. If things work out between us, we will most likely be getting married next year.

I am an only child and I don’t want to hurt my mother or have our relationship change, but I want to be able to live my own life. I would like her support, but don’t know how to tell her what we have decided or if it would be worth breaking the special bond between my mother and me.

:Only Child In California

Dear Only Child: Stop beating around the bush and tell your mother what your plans are. At 25, you are old enough — and this relationship has gone on long enough — that moving in together is a natural progression toward a permanent commitment. Her resistance is based on fear of what your independence from her will mean — to her.

However, if you truly can’t decide whether cutting the umbilical cord is worth it, then keep things as they are — and remain her little girl forever.

■■■

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

:Dear Abby: I am a teenager who has liked this guy for a long time. We’ve been best friends forever, and I have liked him for two years. Recently he asked me out, and I was ecstatic — at first. I still like him, but every time I think about him or I’m around him, or anything about him comes up, I get this horrible nausea. I have actually vomited because of it. How can I like him but he makes me feel ill? Is there a way to remedy this?

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