Personal Matters
It's the holiday season again, the time of our annual quest for the perfect gifts.
We'll devote precious time and energy to the ritual of giving: choosing just the right object, wrapping it in fancy paper, and sometimes making a ceremony of its presentation.
Why is gift giving such an important element of the holidays? Why is the act of gift-giving such an integral part of the season?
The source of this practice comes mainly from the various holiday traditions which we have grown up with. We have learned, through the stories of the season, passed down through many generations, to see gift-giving as an essential part of the holidays.
One of the stories passed down through the centuries is the Christian story, told during Christmas, about the Three Kings and the precious gifts that they traveled many miles over the desert to offer to the newborn Jesus — exotic gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.
Another story of the season is about Hanukkah, the Jewish Festival of Lights. In 165 B.C.E., the Maccabees, a Jewish army rebelling against the oppression of the Syrian Greeks who attempted to destroy the Temple in Jerusalem, found, when they stormed the Temple, only one remaining uncontaminated vessel of oil used to light the sanctuary. According to legend, there remained in this one vessel only enough pure oil to last for one day, yet, a miracle occurred and the oil lasted for eight days.
Hanukkah celebrates the miracle of the oil and the light it provides, a gift from God to the Jews. In addition to lighting a Menorah candle each day for eight days, in many Jewish families children receive a gift for every day of the eight days of Hanukkah.
Another reason that we like to give gifts during holiday time is that it is a concrete demonstration of how much we care about our loved ones. When we comb the shops to hunt down the perfect gift, we are sending the message to the recipients that they deserve something special because they are special to us.
Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, gift-giving feeds the soul. When we express our love and appreciation by giving someone a gift, hoping to give them a little joy, we also feel good about ourselves.
Too often, however, we seem to have lost sight of the spiritual aspects of holiday gift giving.
Hanukkah commemorates not only the gift of the miracle oil, it commemorates the symbolism of the gift — the ability of the Jewish people to endure and survive adversity. It is not the actual gifts of the Three Kings that are the essence of the Christmas story, but what they represent: a recognition of another gift from god and its enormous spiritual significance.
One way to recapture the spiritual essence of holiday gift-giving is to choose presents that symbolize something that we feel about the recipients or want to communicate to them specifically.
For example, a delicate dove ornament can be a way of asking for peace with an alienated friend or relative.
A gift certificate for an adult education course could symbolize support for a friend's personal growth. The gift of a bicycle can convey that we love someone enough to give them an opportunity for some time alone.
The spiritual value of a letter — of love, of gratitude, of forgiveness, or whatever seems appropriate and heartfelt — cannot be overestimated. Not only is such a letter personal and in the spirit of the season, but it will be treasured over many years. Too often, we do not even remember the presents we received in past years, but we will always remember the warmth of kind, loving words from those we truly care for.
Another way of recapturing the spiritual side of gift-giving is, of course, to give of ourselves, our time, our attention, or our assistance, to those for whom we are often too busy or too distracted to offer help.
We could visit with an elderly relative, play a game with a child, help with cooking and assembling, help out at the local food pantry or shelter. There are innumerable opportunities to be of help to others.
Holiday season is also an opportunity to give ourselves the gift of reflective quiet time to express gratitude for all the positive aspects of our lives and to renew our efforts to bring joy into the world.
I would love to read some of your most memorable and meaningful holiday experiences and then share them, anonymously if you'd like, with other readers.
I look forward to hearing from you and, as always, you can send them and any comments or questions to me at susanbritt1@verizon.net.
Based in Rockport, personal coach Susan Britt, M.Ed., a former psychotherapist, helps accelerate personal growth and turn conflict into compassion for couples, individuals, families and co-workers. Send questions and comments to her at susanbritt1@verizon.net.
