By Chelsey Pletts
If professor Perry Glasser is an expert on love, then we are all in trouble. The 60-year-old is a survivor of two divorces, yet still remains optimistic.
"You can just call me Dr. Love," Glasser jokes.
But when it comes to the subject of romance in the digital age, the Salem State College professor knows a thing or two.
Along with coordinating the professional writing program, Glasser has written on a number of technological subjects, often mixing together his observations on the romantic tendencies of his students.
Glasser's sharp tongue, Brooklyn-born, both compliments and condemns the many ways technology has changed the way we woo one another.
How is technology changing romance?
Men used to pursue women romantically with candy and roses, and now they send a Twitter message and a "poke" with Facebook. Immediacy is great; instant gratification in matters of romance is always nice. But the notion of privacy is disappearing. Facebook lists your relationship status, and when you change that, the whole world knows. I think that people living their romantic lives in a public sphere has diminished the mystery that belongs with romance.
No mystery, and no waiting either?
People have always had the equivalent of hooking up at all times and places, but hooking up these days seems to be more common because of electronic media. Now when people meet each other, they say, "Call me on my cell, and I'll have your number." It's instant. And I remember doing things like writing phone numbers on my hand and then making sure I didn't touch anything damp. I think there's kind of a romance in that, and now it sounds like it's ancient!
What technological faux pas can people commit in a relationship?
Hitting "reply all" by accident to an e-mail message. How many marriages have been busted up by e-mail? Think about it. When I worked at an IT magazine, there were a group of women who were playing around with search engines, these things were new then, and they put in names of eligible bachelors to see how many hits they got.
One woman put her husband's name in and found out that he belonged to a foot fetish discussion group. "No wonder he keeps buying me shoes." And it broke up their marriage. E-mail can be too instant. A letter at least sits on your desk for a day or two.
Has the e-mail replaced the letter as a romantic means of communication?
Oh yes, I think so. I think the ultimate romantic gesture these days is to handwrite someone a note. There is something really special about opening up real stationery that's got a touch of cologne or perfume on it. People want to know that the person who has reached out to them cares in a romantic way, as opposed to e-mail, which is perfunctory.
With shows like the "Millionaire Matchmaker," do you think romance is a way to get your 15 minutes of fame?
I think that reality TV shows that deal with alleged romance like "The Bachelor" are somebody's fantasies about how people get along. They get really good-looking people in ratios of 50-to-1 — this is an illusion. The notions of chemistry just aren't out there on cable television. Chemistry is an important thing, it deals with all the body's senses. TV only deals with sight and hearing. I mean, Coco Chanel makes some great perfume, but you can't smell the perfume on television. It's marketing.
Speaking of marketing, Dentyne Ice recently came out with an ad campaign "Make Face Time" that aims to encourage people to spend more time with loved ones rather than use the cell phone or e-mail. Do you think that some people have been so bombarded by technology that they are moving away from it?
Well, babies will continue to be made the way they have always been made, so there will be a certain amount of life that cannot be done virtually. I think technology dehumanizes people into thinking they're a type, and I think it schools some people into looking for a type. It is much more difficult to find a soul mate because people can't get beyond the surface details.
Where do you see the future of romance and technology going?
I think it will get worse before it gets better. But I think a whole generation of kids, who are probably in middle school now, who will take all of this stuff for granted just like every generation. They will decide to find their own way and will be the immediate opposite of what their predecessors do. So Facebook will not be cool, it's filled with old people. What will they do? They'll do really crazy things like go out on dates.
