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January 29, 2013

Man with a past hesitates to reveal it in the present

:Dear Abby: I am a 29-year-old man with a criminal record. I got involved in some fraud and embezzlement rings when I was in my early 20s, and served nine months before being released on parole.

Since then I have moved in with my mother, found a job, and I’m trying to be the man I know I’m capable of being. I have reached the point where I’d like to begin dating again.

The problem is, I don’t know when the time is right to bring up my past. If I wait too long, my name is mud for not saying anything sooner. I want to do the right thing so I can stay on the right path. Can you help me?

A Better Man In New York

Dear Better Man: I agree that the chapter of your life in which you were in prison is not something you should reveal on a first date. But do raise the subject around the fourth date, because by then the woman will have had a chance to get to know you.

When you bring it up, make it clear that you didn’t go to jail for a violent crime and you’re not on any offenders’ list. If she likes you, she’ll hear you out and understand that you don’t plan to repeat your past mistakes. Men who have served their time can go on to lead successful lives, and tell her that you plan to be one of them.

Dear Abby: I am blessed with two beautiful daughters. One is 13; the other is 4 months old. For 11 years my 13-year-old, “Lily,” was my life. I had dated, but they were all Mr. Wrongs.

Two years ago I finally met a wonderful man, “Kevin.” He is good to me, and he and Lily get along to a point, but he’s shy and doesn’t talk much. Kevin moved in with us a few months after I found out I was pregnant.

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