When Harold first walked into my office, I was struck by his appearance.
He looked like a prototype of the Fortune 500 executive; attractive, meticulously groomed and dressed in a suit worthy of the pages of Esquire magazine, he looked perfect.
Yet his life was far from perfect. Although he had achieved some success and had a life that many men would envy, he was not happy.
He told me that he went to bed at night dreading the next day. In the morning he had to drag himself out of bed and he drove to work with a growing and intense feeling of anxiety about the day. On-the-job tasks that had always come easily now seemed overwhelming.
On the home front, his marriage had lost its sense of closeness and his children seemed to demand more than he could give. It was as though, he said, he had suddenly stopped caring about everything.
I told Harold that there were two issues surfacing in his depressed behavior.
The first issue was emotional burnout due to stress. This is not uncommon for men since our culture still supports the idea that men are supposed to be the primary provider and, with a growing family, the pressure to provide is unrelenting. To be the provider, the American man must be Superman.
He must outperform his peers by working harder and longer, and, most importantly, by appearing stronger. He can never admit to being scared, worried, intimidated, overwhelmed or just plain stumped. This kind of emotional suppression kills the human spirit and takes its toll over time.
The second issue playing a role in Harold's depression was his quality of life. The negative feelings he was experiencing were signals that it was time for him to honestly re-evaluate his life.
With coaching, Harold learned how to get in touch with his true feelings about the various aspects of his life. Men often have to learn how to do this because they are most often brought up to deny their feelings.
Life coaching helped Harold to recognize that many of his life choices were based on the expectations of others — society, his parents, his wife — rather than his own needs and dreams.
Harold shifted his priorities and made some changes. When he honored his feelings, needs and interests, as well as those of his family, Harold began to feel better functioning very well in a newly created and more meaningful life.
Based in Rockport, life and relationship coach Susan Britt, M.Ed., a psychotherapist and former university director of career and counseling services, teaches individuals, couples and families to resolve relationship conflicts, clarify and achieve life and career goals, and accelerate personal growth. Questions and comments may be addressed to her at susanbritt1@verizon.net.
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