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October 10, 2013

Man moved to San Francisco but left his heart back East

Dear Abby: I have been with my boyfriend off and on for nine years. When I moved to San Francisco, we separated for a year, until he decided he wanted to move here.

He has been miserable and depressed since he came. He misses his family and friends. His salary doesn’t go as far here, so he’s always short of money. He has also had a string of bad luck — speeding tickets, car repairs, a stolen bike and a back injury. He says he’ll move back east soon if things don’t get better, and it’s making me anxious. He does nothing to turn around his problems.

How can I help him realize it takes time for a new city to feel like home and lessen my anxiety over his problems?

Anxious In The Bay Area

Dear Anxious: Your boyfriend does not appear to be anywhere near as adaptable as you are. You didn’t mention how long he has been in California, but if it’s longer than six months and he’s still homesick, you may have a life-changing decision ahead of you. Would you rather live “in his world than live without him in” ... San Francisco? Even if YOUR heart’s in San Francisco, HIS does not appear to be.

Dear Abby: My boyfriend of nearly a year and I recently said “I love you” for the first time. Before he said it (he said it first) he told me he doesn’t want to start saying it “all the time” — wherein lies my dilemma. How often is too often? Do I say it every night before bed or only on special occasions?

Please help because I’m confused, and I’m worrying that I’m hurting him because I haven’t said it since that night four days ago. I don’t want to smother him or make him feel uncomfortable.

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