GloucesterTimes.com, Gloucester, MA

October 14, 2013

Fishtown Local: A dangerous form of 'Cruz Control'

Fishtown Local
Gordon Baird

---- — Do you suppose there was once a time when some guy up in Canada rolled up his sleeves, gave a really evil grin and decided he was gonna grind the good ‘ol USA to a bloody halt.

He was going to surreptitiously push his neighbors to the south over a cliff as high as Niagara Falls and let the idiots just wash themselves away. And he was going to do all this by himself.

Let’s just say this Canadian guy designed his plan carefully and methodically. He worked out where the thickest people lived, who would basically believe anything as long it sounded mostly like what they already thought and was clothed in talk of guns, God and the red, white and blue.

Tell ‘em what they already knew but twist it enough to get people even crazier, rabid and snarling even more than they had ever known. After all, he did look a lot like Bill Murray, so, he perhaps pondered, he’d be able to get away with anything.

He moved down there, set up shop, started talking, began to get his message across and soon the pieces of his plan fell into place. Hmmm, as Hitler once said, if you’re going to tell a lie, make it really big lies, not little lies.

People don’t want little lies, they want big lies. They want something they can believe in. You can, after all, fool some of the people all of the time. All of the people, some off the time.

Well you know the rest . . . and that’s when the evil plan settles back to earth, when all of the people no longer believe all of the time.

We haven’t gotten there quite yet. There are still people being fooled and falling for the evil plan to wreck America hatched by this unrepentant import from the North.

So how did Ted Cruz become a U.S. Senator of Texas, coming from the country of Canada? Seems so un-Texas-like, doesn’t it, to let a northerner embark the troops on a mission over a cliff?

Usually it’s home-grown tumbleweeds like Rick Perry who wear the pants in the Texas family, but Rick’s not out to bring the whole system down. Heck, the system made him the man he is.

Now, a worldwide survey explains everything. The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development recently released the results of tests given to 5,000 people in each of 23 different countries. The bad news is that not only is the USA plummeting in relation to the other countries in simple writing, math, reading and job skills — areas that we used to lead the world in — but that the younger U.S. groups are performing way worse than the older US groups.

So, not only are we getting stupider, but we will be getting even stupider as time goes on.

The good news is that explains why people are voting for guys like Ted Cruz, gals like Michelle Bachman and the rest of the pack of rats that want to scuttle the government and the economy just to stick it to Obama for health care. These are the same idiots who kept saying Obamacare had already ruined the nation’s economy — when it still hadn’t even opened yet — have a wide audience that will believe it.

That makes sense, right? Dimwits vote for dimwit leaders who fan their flames to convince them that they don’t have to adhere to laws that they don’t like.

Imagine if Obama decided to shut down the government or declined to extend the borrowing limit because he didn’t like our gun policies and wanted more restrictive gun laws, nationwide. So, rather than work to pass new laws, he simply resorted to extortion to get there faster.

Imagine the stink the right would raise over that position; yet they quite happily do the same thing with their blackmail over what they refer to as Obamacare. The ends justify the means, eh? Is that why they are so mean-spirited?

So, the next time you are scratching your head over what seems like the most ridiculous positions you’ve ever heard, just remember who elected them and that should explain it. It’s a scary country out there but an even scarier world. Fundamentalism is the order of the day, seemingly everywhere. Texas puts the Mental in fundamentalism and Ted Cruz takes it to new heights.

This is what happens when you put too much of the extreme North into too much of the extreme South. You don’t get global warming, you get global brain meltdown.

Good thing everyone else is paying attention, all of a sudden, or the brains that melt could be our own. And that’s one Cruz Control I don’t ever want to experience . . .

Gordon Baird is a local actor and musician, co-founder of Musician magazine, and producer of “the Chicken Shack” community access television show.