When you hear the word "pride," do you interpret it in a positive or negative way?

When someone says: "She's a proud person," do you hear it as a criticism?

Do you automatically assume that the person is being described using the negative definition of pride, which means to have "an unduly high opinion of oneself?"

In fact, that is only one meaning. Pride also has very positive meanings:

"Proper respect for oneself; a sense of one's own dignity or worth; self-respect. Delight or satisfaction in one's own achievements."

Viewed in those terms, pride is a very healthy personal quality to have. Pride is really a set of positive, self-caring attitudes that are important building blocks of personal development. You need to have these positive attitudes in order to lead a full and highly functioning life. Pride is crucial to your emotional health and personal growth.

Consider, for instance, those times in life when you feel alone or isolated. Perhaps you've relocated to another city or just ended a close relationship. Having pride, that sense of your own self-worth, can help you to care for and support yourself when you don't have the attention and emotional support of others.

Pride is also a healthy quality in times of trauma. If you have pride, you have a strong belief in your ability to survive and somehow manage the problems that plague your life.

The very existence of that belief takes some of the pressure off and you can focus your creative energy on the necessary problem-solving. And it is pride that helps you to face up to the work of problem-solving and not avoid it by engaging in self-destructive behavior.

If you have respect for your mental abilities, you're more likely to apply your intelligence to solving your problems. And if you have respect for your physical and emotional self, you're less likely to try to numb the pain of your problems with food, drugs, alcohol, or over-spending.

Another healthy aspect of pride is the "delight or satisfaction in one's own achievements." When you have respect for the work that you do and for your contribution to it, you have a strong feeling of your dignity and worth. Pride in your work, whether it is raising children, working for pay or volunteer work, allows you to find happiness that is not dependent on the approval of others.

Having pride in yourself is not about feeling superior to others but about appreciating yourself as an individual. Ask yourself, is a leopard more valuable than a tiger or is a maple tree better that a fir tree? Both animals and both trees have the beauty and strength of their species as well as a unique individuality that separates them from all others of their kind.

The same is true for you as a human being. You have the beauty and strength of your species, a species that has endured over thousands of years. You can take pride in that, because there is intrinsic value in being one of those enduring human beings.

Most important, you have a unique, one of a kind spirit and individuality that separates you from other human beings.

Be proud.

Based in Rockport, former psychotherapist Susan Britt, M.Ed., now a relationship coach, helps couples, families, individuals, and co-workers turn conflict into compassion. Questions and comments may be addressed to her at light622@juno.com.