On Saturday, July 12, I went to Boston College for the annual Evelyn Underhill lecture, a talk on "Spirituality and Aging" by Kathleen Fischer, a theologian, counselor, spiritual director and author. As I reviewed my notes, I realized that many of her insights are relevant at any age.
Dr. Fischer described aging as a "contemplative journey" with someone who's been walking with us all along. In the sacrament of the present moment we find a God who is a companion and friend, and in the second half of life, we're blessed with a wisdom that understands paradox.
As we let go of what we were to what we shall become, we appreciate the diversity and richness in our lives. We claim the integrity of our lives as we review our stories, gathering the events of our lives in hope and sorrow, finally recognizing that in God's eyes, we are more beautiful than we think we are.
Part of the spirituality of aging involves a commitment to the well-being of future generations. Elders create a legacy for future generations as we apply our gifts and talents to other areas, providing us with knowledge, skills and a sense of purpose.
Toward the end of the lecture, Dr. Fischer related a parable about a group of natives in a far-off land who had been traveling quickly for many hours. When asked why they suddenly stopped, they replied: "We've traveled fast — now we must wait for our souls to catch up."
We're all "traveling fast" these days and I've learned that one way for my soul to "catch up" is by making a retreat. Last month, I spent seven days at the Mariandale Retreat and Conference Center in Ossining, N.Y., listening to a presentation by Mary Schneiders, OP, on "Jesus and Women." I thoroughly enjoyed exploring new ways of looking at scripture, focusing on the fact that Jesus always treated women with respect.
I was never very interested in "women's issues" in the past, but am beginning to wonder if many of the problems that do concern me, like the abuse of power in the church, would have happened if women had an equal voice from the beginning.
In the silence of a retreat, I often look back on my life, including the carefree days of my childhood, with overwhelming gratitude for parents, teachers and other adult mentors who provided me with a moral compass that continues to guide me today.
I'm glad I grew up before television and the Internet, and before "recreational drugs" and "casual sex" became part of the popular culture as adults decided "abstinence doesn't work." Children once learned the value of self-respect and self-control at home and school from adults who would call our parents whenever we were in trouble — or causing trouble. We were also protected by boundaries that most of us, in our innocence, were afraid to cross.
Whatever happened to responsible adults and sensible boundaries? Today, we teach youngsters how to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies, STDs and AIDS, but even "safe sex" can have devastating consequences if it's not part of a committed, loving relationship — especially for young women.
Thanks to an entertainment industry that appeals to the lowest common denominator of our humanity, many adolescents are drowning in a sea of self-indulgence and ignorance and too often, adults keep tossing them anchors! Many years ago, we decided that a daily prayer was inappropriate in public schools, and now we're debating whether schools should dispense contraceptives?
Does anyone really believe that promiscuity, whether heterosexual or homosexual, is healthy at any age? It's ironic that the word "adult," once associated with maturity, is more often associated with X-rated entertainment in today's culture. Children imitate their elders and unfortunately, most of us are not good role models.
In a society that values human life as cheaply as human sexuality, it is vital that we teach children "traditional values" of truth, honor, decency, integrity, respect and responsibility, but, just as important, that we demonstrate our belief in the positive power of those values by our own choices and behavior.
What kind of legacy will we leave to future generations? It's up to us — all of us — to slow down long enough to allow our souls to catch up. We may consult experts but it's just as important that we listen to responsible parents, teachers, spiritual advisors and other adults who continue to teach children to respect themselves and others.
Eileen Ford is a retired police officer who lives in Rockport.
