A military casualty: Army doctor's Rockport widow cites stress, military culture

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US Army Dr.Michael Ryan McCaddon, 37, killed himself at Tripler Army Medical Center in Honolulu, Hawaii, while he was on duty as an OB/GYN resident, delivering babies and caring for women brought into the hospital. His widow, who lives in Rockport, says she firmly believes that he fell victim to a military culture that inflicts heavy stress on the job and discourages service personnel from admitting they need help.
Leslie McCaddon of Rockport talks about her husband, Capt. Michael Ryan McCaddon, an Army doctor who took his life last week. Allegra Boverman

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March 30, 2012

A military casualty: Army doctor's Rockport widow cites stress, military culture

By Stephanie Bergman Staff Writer The Gloucester Daily Times Fri Mar 30, 2012, 12:59 AM EDT

Army Capt. Michael McCaddon, M.D., died doing his duty March 21.

He wasn't shot on the front lines, he wasn't blown up, or any of the other horrible ways soldiers are killed. He didn't die in Afghanistan, or during training.

McCaddon, 37, killed himself at Tripler Army Medical Center in Honolulu, while on duty as an OB/GYN resident, delivering babies and caring for women brought into the hospital.

His widow, who lives in Rockport, says she firmly believes that he fell victim to a military culture that inflicts heavy stress on the job and discourages service personnel from admitting they need help.

"Mental illness killed my marriage, and then it killed my husband," Leslie McCaddon, his widow, said Wednesday. She came back to Rockport five months ago, taking her three children and leaving her husband.

"For the last seven years, he's been severely depressed," said Leslie. She couldn't bear to stay with a man who looked like the one she loved, she said, but just wasn't him anymore.

Michael McCaddon was an Army brat, raised by first by a father and then an adoptive father who both served in the Army's Explosive Ordinance Disposal Unit, or the bomb squad. McCaddon enlisted in the Army at age 17, and worked to be assigned to the EOD as well.

McCaddon served in the EOD for seven years, then joined the National Guard and went to Arizona State University on the GI Bill. He majored in biology and planned to become a science teacher.

McCaddon's time at ASU was interrupted, however, when he was sent to Bosnia with the EOD. He served two tours in Bosnia, then joined the collegiate Reserve Officers Training Corps in order to be able to stay in school.

He married Leslie when he was at ASU, and he graduated in 2004. The couple, along with their children, bounced all over the world, from Arizona to Washington to Germany.

McCaddon was accepted to the Uniformed Services University of Health Sciences and graduated in 2010. McCaddon was accepted as a resident at Tripler, and the family moved to Hawaii to start a new life.

"He was the favorite resident, and people were not shy about telling me that," said Leslie.

Though McCaddon had long struggled with depression, in Hawaii things seemed to get worse and worse, Leslie McCaddon said.

"I did reach out to the Army for support, but they said that they could only force him to get help if I was in physical danger," she said, adding that, though McCaddon could be verbally abusive, she did not want him to be taken away.

McCaddon had been a first responder at the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995, and he would not talk about what he had seen except to say it was horrible.

Leslie said she asked McCaddon's commanders to order him to go to therapy. McCaddon would go, sometimes, if he was assigned to the night shift and so could go to therapy without leaving his colleagues short-handed.

"He didn't eat (on shift), he didn't pee, he wasn't going to say 'I need to take an hour off to go to therapy,'" said Leslie.

On March 15, McCaddon called his children. They were all home sick, as was Leslie, and he told each he loved them. He sent Leslie an email, begging her not to tell the children how he died.

When she read the suicide note, Leslie immediately called the hospital. It took staff 10 minutes to find McCaddon, and 15 more to bring back a heartbeat.

McCaddon was brain-dead, however, and Leslie flew back to Hawaii to authorize the hospital to take him off of life support. When the hospital paged all the workers to give them time to say goodbye, she said, the line to see him stretched down corridors too far to see.

Leslie said that, while the support she received from other Army wives fills her with gratitude and pride, the way the military in general is handling the situation seems wrong.

"This is an epidemic in the military," said Leslie. "We have put our military service members under too much strain. We are asking too much and giving too little."

According to Leslie, some Army officials attempted to blame her for her husband's suicide, saying that if she hadn't left he might not have killed himself.

"They've turned this into a lover's quarrel. The thing that echoes in my ear, (before the suicide) one of his bosses said to me, 'He doesn't show any signs of depression at work, it sounds like a family issue,'" said Leslie.

She said she believes that if the Army had ordered McCaddon to get help, he would have.

"He wouldn't step away from his duty, even to get help," she said.

"They don't complain. They suffer and they die. The culture (of the military) just doesn't support getting help," said Leslie.

Capt. Jeffrey Clark, who serves as a casualty affairs officer and is helping Leslie with the funeral and other things relating to her husband's death, agreed.

"I couldn't imagine telling my soldiers, my men, that I went to get counseling. They'd rag me until I quit," Clark said.

Leslie said the military needs to try to change that culture, to tell soldiers that asking for help doesn't equal being weak.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, or TAPS, offers support to families and service members who are suffering with depression. TAPS maintains two hotlines — one at 800-959-8277, and a crisis line at 800-273-8255. Its website is www.taps.org.

"We've been getting one call a day (about a military suicide)," said Kim Roucco, who works for TAPS.

While post-traumatic stress disorder is the best-known reason veterans struggle with depression, Roucco pointed out that combat isn't the only stress service members face.

"Repeated deployments take a toll on our men and women. They're just going 100 miles an hour all the time, they never get to rest," said Roucco.

"It's difficult because they're trained not to be weak, they're trained to do their job no matter what," Leslie McCaddon said.

Visiting hours for McCaddon will be in the Burgess & Mackey Funeral Home, 201 Main St., Rockport, Monday from 4 to 8 p.m. A funeral Mass will be celebrated in St. Ann Church, Holy Family Parish, on Tuesday at 11 a.m. Family and friends are invited to attend.

McCaddon will be buried with full military honors at Calvary Cemetery in Gloucester.

Stephanie Bergman can contacted at 978-283-7000 x3451 or sbergman@gloucestertimes.com

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