So, a quick check seems to indicate that we survived Friday the 13th and the full harvest moon. And to think we did so while engaged in moving all of our household possessions from hither to yon makes it even more impressive. At least we think it was a full harvest moon. Either that or our new neighbor might want to invest in some curtains.
We did take a few moments away from moving to visit the inside of Antonio Brown's head. We were going to piggyback a side trip to Bill Belichick's conscience, but we couldn't find it on the map.
The AB inner sanctum wasn't at all what we were expecting. We thought it was going to be like an over-amped calliope of enveloping noise and chaos, with lasers and giraffes. But it was as quiet as deep space. Except for the ticking.
As we write this, Brown has yet to play a game for the Patriots of Foxboro. But can anyone actually think this is going to get better?
How'd you like to be Bob Kraft? Well, of course you'd like to be Bob Kraft because then you'd own an NFL team, which is like having the Saudi bank codes, and you'd get to hang out with Jon Bon Jovi and Snoop and drink Johnnie Walker Blue with Jerry Jones.
But consider: You're still trying to navigate your way through your own salacious Orchids of Asia Day Spa legal problem and you have this litter box dumped in your lap. Gotta think there might be a little tension down at Patriots Place.
Anyway, as Bill says, we're on to the items:
Time to check in on the SS Portland
Sometime in the morning of Nov. 27, 1898, the SS Portland, a paddle wheel steamship that ran the overnight route between Boston and Portland, sank in a furious gale off the coast of Gloucester while en route to Maine.
Estimates of the number of passengers and crew aboard the well-appointed ship range from 176 to 192. Regardless, there were no survivors.
From Tuesday through Thursday, NOAA scientists, along with the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution and Marine Imaging Technologies, are using remotely operated vehicles to explore the wreck of the Portland in waters that are now part of the Stellwagen Bank National Marine Sanctuary. And you can go along. Well, after a fashion.
The exploration will be live-streamed, with live programs each afternoon that offer viewers the opportunity to interact with the expedition members. Classrooms around the U.S. will have the chance to actually speak with the crew in two-way communications.
To watch the mission live, go to https://sanctuaries.noaa.gov/live/2019/whoi.html.
How way past cool is that?
Quick question: How many shipwrecks lie within the boundaries of the Stellwagen Bank National Marine Sanctuary?
Quick answer: More than 200.
So much for sanctuary.
As cod is our witness
Good news, all you anglers of Atlantic cod. NOAA Fisheries announced last week it is opening a two-week season for Gulf of Maine cod, beginning this past weekend.
The bag limit is one cod per angler per day, with a keeper size of 21 inches. For haddock, the bag limit is 15 fish per angler per day, with a minimum size of 17 inches.
As always, there is a rub: Cod and haddock on board a vessel must be readily available for inspection. Fillets must have two square inches of contiguous skin so the species can be identified by inspectors on board and at the time of landing.
So why you standing there? Go get yourself some.
Radio Free Nitwit
We have met the enemy and it is this guy: The Coast Guard is looking for help identifying and locating a gentleman who decided, on Aug. 13, to go on the VHS radio -- Channel 22A, if you're scoring at home -- somewhere in the area of St. Petersburg, Florida and spew all manner of threats against Coast Guard personnel and equipment.
"The next time you scramble any aircraft off any aircraft carrier, we're going to bomb your (expletive deleted) ships," he said.
He also demanded that the government close down every airport in the United States or he was going to use his depth charges to sink all Coast Guard ships. He also talked about shooting down Coast Guard planes and helicopters and killing the pilots and passengers.
"You are playing with the Russian government," he said.
"Hoax calls are costly to the taxpayer and our service," said Charles "Marty" Russell, resident agent-in-charge of the Coast Guard Investigative Service Office in St. Petersburg. "When the Coast Guard receives a distress call, we immediately respond, putting our crews at risk and risking the lives of boaters who may legitimately need our help."
If caught (please!) and convicted (double-please!!), this guy faces up to 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine, as well as being on the hook for the cost of any search. We should add to that a lifetime supply of noogies. The line forms here.
In the retail establishment of life, how come we never seem to run out of stock of these dumbbells?
Get back to us on that, will ya?
As always, no fish were harmed in the making of this column.
Contact Sean Horgan at 978-675-2714, or firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter at @SeanGDT